Bridal Bouquet Toss Farewell

Shucky darn it all. In less than 75 days I will no longer be eligible to participate in bridal bouquet tosses. I will never be able to feed my *cough* obsession with winning them.

Actually, I should clarify: I don't have an obsession with winning per se, I more have an obsession with not losing. So, every time I go up, I try. And every time I try, I win (I have a strategy).

This has come back to kick me in the butt on a couple of occasions. The first time it really backfired was when I may or may not have accidentally ripped the bouquet out of a handicapped individual’s hands. (I didn’t realize she was handicapped at the time). I did this much to the embarrassment of my family, but was told later by others that it was okay because everyone always let her win. We'll pretend that made me feel less like a complete dork.

I then had to dance with the dude that caught the garter and this was a very scarring experience. I swear he had just smoked 3 packs of cigarettes and chugalugged a barrel of alcohol because he smelled revolting. He was laughing with his buddies as I attempted to dance with him (he was in his late 20s and I was like 15) and I felt like his breath shot straight down my throat. Um, ew. We were supposed to do the polka, but of course that CD was scratched and kept skipping, so they put in a dirty dancing CD. Um…I don’t think so. I left the dance floor in a hurry.

You’d think this experience would’ve deterred me from further violent bouquet catching experiences, but apparently it just made me more determined. I kept going strong, and I have several bouquets to my name. So many, in fact, that it has become a significant cause of shame for my family (my Mom, in particular). The shame results not just because I win, but because when I’m in this sort of a competitive situation, I completely let loose and lose all control over my vocal folds as well as my limbs. I don’t think twice about lunging myself and tackling any competitor whilst my limbs flail about as though independent from my body. At weddings, my Mom now approaches me and specifically asks me not to catch the bouquet. Since I can’t go up and not try (and therefore win), I haven’t been going up at all. I guess I've retired a little early. So let this be my official farewell to bridal bouquet toss eligibility. *sniff sniff*

This is me post-lunge at Jill & Randy's wedding a few years ago. (I'm the hippie looking one with the bouquet).